well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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