I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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