I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The power of my boobs compel you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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