i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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