It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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