38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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