Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
