someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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