I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Life without a bra equals bliss.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
