Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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