I looked at my own cervix.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize