I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
