At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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