Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
