9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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