hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
