I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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