I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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