"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Soap is not a condiment
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
