Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
