Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
