chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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