i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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