the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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