the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
