I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
