apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
