I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
