you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
