I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
