somebody snuck up and got me drunk
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
