I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
