Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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