i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
