I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
