I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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