4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
