I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
