You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
