Im at strip club and am horny
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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