Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Found your dick twin last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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