Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
