I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
