Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
