Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my being single is dangerous.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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