so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
