some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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