I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
