my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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