when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
