Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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