You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
