Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect