my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink