no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?