I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
We are two peas in an std pod
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.