wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
