my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...