tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
