thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i think my cat just said my name.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
