Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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