He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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