I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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