All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
