found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
