found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
