I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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