Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
