Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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