direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
