I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
