I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
