Just cropdusted the office
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
