Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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