Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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