Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
