i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
