ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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