so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I supernannyed him into submission
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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