At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
