Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
