he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's blow job season.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
