he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
