I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
