Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
