She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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