Me too!
Apparently you make a good broom.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
