I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
