Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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