goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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