You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
