New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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